19 Januari 2013. I lost the baby.

Nothing much to say. I lost the baby. That is real. That is the fact.

Sad. Regret. Stress. I am complete insane if I said I don't feel that. TIPU.

Nevertheless. Alhamdulillah, with the iman of the thinnest as the onion's I can feel Allah is always beside me. A true companion. Affectionately. With the tears all nights. The sadness all day along, hidden in a fake smiles. I manage to send my message to Allah. And indeed HE heard mine. Sunnatullah, HE took the baby. But HE actually is giving me a bunch of loves that i get from the people around me. Parents. And families. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Ya ni'mal mujib (3x).

Recovering I am. Supports I called forth. A shoulder to lean. And a pillow for rest.

Ibu and Babah's love

Our dearest

I am suppose to be in my 8++ weeks of pregnancy. But the baby only 5 weeks in size. Doctor gave another 2 weeks to see the progress. If Allah's will and everything ok, alhamdulillah. If not, abortion is a must. 

Nothing in this world is ours. All are Allah's. Dia boleh bagi semua ni dan Dia jugalah boleh ambil kembali drpd kita hambaNya yg lemah ni. Above of all, miracle can happen.

Teringat pesanan Prof Muhaya:

     "Siapa kita untuk memaksa Allah memberi kita zuriat. Bersihkan hati perbetulkan niat apa kita mahukan anak? Jika dgn zuriat kita berniat mendidiknya menjadi hamba dan khalifah Allah yg terbaik, inshaAllah Tuhan akan permudahkan. Elakkan berniat membangga diri dan menunjuk2."

Submit all and let Him do the rest. Bimillahi tawakkaltu ala Allah.

New life. New Beginning.

2012 left us officially.
The cries, laughs, happy and sorrows, hurts and heals, all had been collected in the 2012 diary.

Being proposed by a stranger whom now i called husband. The man whom i love most. New family new faces.
Being left by beloved sister whom now we cherish her baby. The cries that won't stop.
New career improvement with lots of networks and teamwork upgraded. New experience working oversea.
New improvement in family relationship. From sourness to sweetness. Rebinding.
Little sister's graduation and new employment. First time being apart from my shadow.
Health condition dropping down. More visits to doctors.
Living alone and now two.
.....and lots more that aren't able to be explained here.

2nd day 2013;

Restructuring. New employment. New job role and hoping for more career improvement.
From two becoming three. Awaiting the presence of our sweetheart. New family member. After Aidilfitri inshaAllah.
Hub's career stability and business improvement.
New house, new home, new living environment.
.....and of course with lots of Allah's plan for us.

We plan, Allah plan. And verily, Allah is the Most Ultimate Planner.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Memulakan 2013 dgn langkah lebih teguh dan lebih kuat. Bersama semua insan tersayang dan yg akan terus diingati.

I Miss You, Sister

We never been so close all this while. We never had cool chats together when we grown up. I never appreciate your presence and I never seen you as my big sister that i can rely on. I always had that uneasy feelings when we met. I never respected you as you deserve it most. I took for granted of all about you and i never care of your hardship unsettled and the struggling that u had to face for life.

 

It is almost 9 months since you left us. Your little adorable baby boy never fail to make us see and feel your presence in our days, everyday. The last day to see you on that white bed and to watch you struggling (again) for life shed my tears, continuously. On the very last moment which i had to let you go, i just want you to know that I Love You, Sister. I kiss your cold forehead. I see you go, slowly. I'm shivered and shattered like a broken glass. Unable to stand. And the world seemed so dark and dissapeared. Parents hugged me up and hold me tight. They recited the Alfatihah to me and just said, "wake up. it's her time coming. and Allah know best."

 

The doctor unplugged those cable and she was not with us anymore. Mom just cant accept to face another lost after 16 years. And when abah saw us cried and hugged each other he just told us, "enough of crying.be tough.you lost your brother and sister, I lost my two children.and i just only have three of you now."

 

My late brother, Muhammad Syukri bin Matori left us, unmarried. His photos and all those memories keep us together. Muhammad Faiz. The baby of our late sister is the heart of ours and we can't ask for more as all of these happened for reasons. Allah never test His servants for things that they are not capable to carry them off. Allah Maha Adil dan Allah Maha Penyayang. 

 

AlFatihah for Almarhum Muhammad Syukri bin Matori and Almarhumah Siti Maryam binti Matori. I Miss you both.

Tribute to Amin Idris' sister. I can feel you bro Amin.

Menghitung Hari

Selepas pelancaran 30 hari mencari Cinta yang ada 1001 macam perasaan yg tak terungkap, diisi kupu2 terbang dlm perut yg sgt byk, the afraid to loads of uncertainties, the new start of knowing a stranger (kids, pls dont talk to stranger!denjeres! :p) and 29th September 2011 marks its official start. Salam berhulur, senyum bersambut. (Ecewah!)

25 Disember 2011, dengan kalut2 ketaq2 gigil2 lantaran masih ditemani kupu2 gergasi di dalam perut yg masih degil tak mahu keluar, lagi satu langkah dan sejarahnya terukir. Pasukan perisik datang tanpa kehadiran perisik yg bajet hebat duduk diam di Korea pastu gelabah semua pun lambat anta report pada beliau. Dan Alhamdulillah, Tuhan memudahkan urusan itu. Jari gemuk sudah ada bling2! (sign: jgn kacau saya.ada orang dah!)

25 Februari 2012. 5 bulan selepas menyambut salamnya, confirmed. Bermulanya 7 bulan diri utk terus diikat dgn gelaran "Tunangan" orang yg di antara tempoh tersebut terisi sejuta macam dan macam2 cabaran dugaan pahit manisnya jalan menuju pembinaan masjid yang nekadnya mahu dibina kerana Allah. Nangisnya ketawanya muramnya senyapkecohnya mogokboikotnya semua macam bercampur jadi rencah dan rempah nk buat beriani gam kambing! uuuu~ mmg nak kira bukan masa yg cukup pjg utk mengenali bakal suami ini tapi inshaAllah sebahagiannya sudah dikenalpasti. Bersedia? Kalau nk tunggu yg namanya ultimate bersedia, entah bila agaknya. But being me as usual, "kita harukkan jeh!InshaAllah Allah ada."

And today 15 August 2012, masing2 terus menghitung hari. 29 September 2012. Genap setahun. Semoga trus Allah mudahkan urusan kami dan memberkati rumahtangga yg bakal dibina, InshaAllah.

p/s: dan hari ini, my dearest Adik Bongsu yg gendut dpt tawaran kerja di Petronas Paka. Jauh. Tapi abah kata, "Tak jauh lah. Lebih baik drpd kat Miri." dan style abah, kalau dapat yg Miri pun for sure, abah akan ckp pulak, "Ok lah. Drpd kena antar ke Sudan." That's how abh motivate us with his all time positive thinking. :) Ain, all the best. New work, new environment. Semoga terus maju jaya. InshaAllah.